Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
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